there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
