Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
