just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
