I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
