ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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