How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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