yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
