I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize