Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
