that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
