we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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