I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
