My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
