yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
