Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
