So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
