she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
