and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize