beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
