I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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