so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
