I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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