did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
