I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
