well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
