Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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