plz talk dirty to me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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