For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
