Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
