I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
