even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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