i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
