I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
