I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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