By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
