I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
