I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
