now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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