You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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