just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
