Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Actions speak louder than pants.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
