i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
