Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
