Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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