I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize