The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
