i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
