you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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