I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize