she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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