just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
