it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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