And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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