Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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