...so i touched it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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