There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
