Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
