i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize