i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
pop tarts are not kleenex
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
