I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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