dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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