I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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