VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
