You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
