your parents love me but you hate me
My first STD was from a foam party
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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