You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
