I am spending my child support on dildos
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
