singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
