making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
