Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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