I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
